Mother and daughter together forever.

According to Alia, Robyn had some serious mother problems. I remember her once saying that her mother had not even ever taken a look at her child. As Robyn's grievance went, her mother had needed some friend to point out to her, how beautiful her child was. Only then, that first time she looked at her daughter, did she realized she was sort of beautiful. Evidently, Robyn felt her mother had not really loved her; certainly, not nearly as much as she needed. As a matter of fact, I have heard this grievance from many women: for instance, my own mother. I guess women need a lot of love; I mean, a lot. I do not think we are quite aware of how much love women need; they just can never get enough love.

I remember one of my first conflicts with Alia was over whether it was appropriate to physically discipline a child. Alia was putting me through the test. It has always since stroke me, that Alia was totally in love with me, but she still needed to make sure I met certain requirements, before she would accept marrying me. That had never gone through my mind: if I really loved a woman, it was only natural that I would want to share my life with her, no questions asked. Since I was a little child, the idea that women have always been discriminated against, had been very deeply drilled in my mind. However, that just did not make sense with everything I could observe in the world around me. It did shocked me the level of hostility I received from several (albeit certainly by no means all) of Alia's relatives and acquaintances. It was not rare the case, where I was introduced to someone and immediately I was warned of what they would do to me, if I ever dare to hurt Alia or mistreat her in any way. From day one - just because I was a man and Alia was a woman - I was held suspicious, by men and women, left and right. At some point it came to be upsetting and disturbing. I did not understand, I had just met Alia, I loved her, she believed in me like no other woman before, we love each other dearly, I thought I may have at last found the woman I had always been looking for; yet, for them, it all seemed like I was looking for a fight, and they were setting themselves ready for the war that was about to begin between Alia and I, over who would control whom.

Alia was never put through any such inquisition. I know in some cases the groom's mother will forever doubt the bride is good enough for her son; but my mother could not be happier that I had found a woman who believed in me despite my visual disability. As much as Alia was totally infatuated with me, she herself still had questions. She really feared one day she would suddenly discover something horrible about me. She kept tormenting herself over the dreadful thought that behind my innocent facade I hid a repulsive self-loving womanizer. One morning she came to me saying she had had a nightmare, according to which I had married 8 - 9 times before. The thing was so ridiculous, that I did not think it even merited a response; so, I just disregarded it with a dismissive gesture. However, Alia deemed that woefully unsatisfactory. She stared at me and demanded I provided an explanation. I just limited myself to protest her dream did not bear any resemblance with the reality. Fact of the matter is that until then I had barely had any relationship with any girl, and it would have been fair to say I had never even had a girlfriend.

The irony is that Alia would not feel any aprehension to say, that she was herself quite a playgirl. When we first met, she tried hard to impress me; but she then soon turned to reveal everything that was not so good about herself. It seems to me she had come to realize I was greatly impressed and so the fear became the day I would discover, that she was not as perfect as I had first thought. Alia really wanted to succeed in her marriage, and she was now thinking in the long run. Alia's hope was that, if I really loved her, then I would accept her as imperfect as she was: As a matter of fact, Alia was - in her own words - a "bad girl": She had been doing drugs since she was 11. She would openly joke with a friend how, as young girls, they both enjoyed going out to "beat up the boys". She was a "strong woman", who did not take any bullshit, and did not hesitate to beat up her former boyfriend, if he so required it. In fact, she felt no embarrassment in bragging about having cheated on him, at the same time that she explained she would have felt totally justified to shred him to pieces, if he had ever dared to betray her. She was the first to admit she was an hypocrite,and feared that kind of mentality would one day end up killing all what matter the most to her; but she could not help feeling the way she did. Few months after our wedding, - at the same time she wrote me to say she had been having suicidal thoughts, because she could not be in Montana any longer without me - she told me she had a foreboding feeling that some day she would betray me. I think her hope was that I would not allow that to happen. However, as life ended up proving, there was little I could do about it: If I put a veil on her, I would have been the jealous asshole her parents wanted to portray me as. But, if I respected her freedom and allowed her to freely interact with any other man outside my watch; then, undeniably, it meant I did not love her enough, since I obviously did not mind to lose her. Indeed, lo and behold, since I have never been a jealous asshole, six years later, Alia betrayed me with a repulsive self-loving womanizer. Ironically, few days after our wedding, Robyn threatened to kill me, if I ever hurt Alia; but, if I ever wondered what she would do if Alia betrayed me, she clarified she most absolutely would always take her daughter's side, obviously. All through my life, women have always been described to me as little angels who come from Heaven; yet, as far as I could tell, Marge and Lisa are not any better than Homer and Bart; but are every bit as selfish. As a matter of fact, privately, women have always been the first to point that out to me.  

Paramount in Alia's examination was my view on anything related to children. No matter what they say, there is no way around it, Alia had always wanted to have children. As a young girl, there was nothing she enjoyed more than taking care of her little doll Addy. Alia needed a lot of love, and she must have sense that nowhere will she find more love than in a big family with many children. Definitely,there is no more wonderful feeling in this world than the wholehearted, loving hug of a child. Alia was pleased to hear that I also liked children. There was little else Alia loved more to talk about than children; particularly what is the right way to raise them. I should not have any doubt about it, she would be the perfect mother, since she knew everything about it; she had learned it from her mother. 

For instance, physical punishments of any kind were most absolutely forbidden; she would never ever punish her children and, obviously, expected me to likewise refrain from it. Physical punishments transmitted a message of superiority of the parent over the child, that was simply not acceptable. The theory really did not make much sense to me, though, and -since I hate to say the opposite of what I think - I dared to voice it out: To begin with, undeniably, the parent has a superior knowledge than the child and, therefore, not only there was nothing wrong, but it was the parent's duty to teach the child, what is right and what is wrong. Obviously, the next question is what would be a good way to do it; but I just could not see what was the problem about a gentle pat on the butt. When I was little, my mother did not hesitate to spank us whenever she deemed it necessary, and it is not like I got scarred from it or something.

 

Alia was shocked, almost horrified; her mother had never spanked her in any way. Well, as a matter of fact, she did once: apparently, little Alia had been a total jerk and, at some point, Robyn could not hold it any longer and gave her a good beating. Interestingly, according to Alia, it was much worse for her mother than for her: Robyn felt so terribly bad about beating her child, that she swore to never ever do it again. 

That was exactly my point: it is so much easier to say 'yes' to a child than to say 'no'; but the child will learn more from a 'no' than from a 'yes'. I kind of hate these modern parenting theories; they are just idiotic. I don't get it! mothers have been raising children for literally millions of years, and - given how far we have made it - it is not like anybody could reasonably argue, our grandmothers did not do a freaking amazing job. Yet, here are some experts to declare that they all got it wrong, and - after having studied the subject for a few years - they have been able to figure out a much better way to do it. It is truly insufferable that - as if we were little inexperienced and unknowledgeable children - we have to be lectured by the most learned in the society, for even the most basic and fundamental facets of a person's life.

According to Alia, Maureen, Robyn's mother, was a very traditional and religious person. That, however, did not in any way mean she was a submissive woman. Quite the contrary, by all accounts she was most absolutely in charge. It seems to me, she probably did not approved the way her older daughter conducted herself through life. Though, perhaps, it was the other way around: perhaps, Robyn made her choices just in a way to rebel against her mother, for all what she had ignored her. Considering that the fake-feminist ideology is the sheer rejection of all the restrictions on women's freedom held by her mother's traditional mentality, it was only natural that Robyn would embrace it: Women should be free to do as they please; but, given how beautiful they are, they should still be loved to bits, regardless of what they do. For that sake, Robyn could have been the sheer mother of modern parenting theories: My childhood was miserable and I did not flourish as I should have; because my mother neglected me and did not nearly loved me as much as I needed. In other words, in order for a child to flourish, her mother has to keep it at all times wrapped in love, hugs and kisses. Undoubtedly, we all long for all the love in the world, and it would probably be fair to say that this is especially true for girls; but, as a theory of good parenting, it does not make good sense to me. The way I see it, in order to be happy, we need to feel loved; that is, the key to a person's happiness in life is to feel loved by the people around you. There is no way around it, no matter how much money you own, if you do not feel loved, you will never be happy. Consequently, if the whole point of parenting a child is to teach it, how to navigate into a happy life; then the crucial and most helpful art for the child to learn is how to win the love of the people he or she cares the most about. Now, considering that Robyn has always generally been found a very good-looking woman, it is very likely she must have felt it was a given that folks would love her. However, as a matter of fact, it never really works exactly like that. There is no denial that men barely ever care for anything other than the girl's looks; but, in reality, there is a bit more to it: men and women not only care about how strong and fit the other person looks; but it is likewise important to what degree the desired person would stay loyal. Women certainly do not just look for the best fisherman; but they will also need him to be crazy in love with her, or one day she may find that the guy delivered his fish to some other woman. As much as it typically passes unrecognized, the male instinct follows a rule along similar lines. Undeniably, a man will generally go bananas at the sight of a sexy woman; but, in the long run, he will still need to observe his queen maintains some sort of certainty, that he is the best fisherman around, or one day he may find that she has started to rely on some other fisherman to provide for all her basic needs.

Whether we like it or not, fact of the matter is the love we receive from other folks is very much related to the degree to which we contribute to their lives. As much as Robyn may have hated it, folks do not love you just because. Therefore, it is crucial to acquire a good understanding of what are other folks' real needs and desires. As much as the most learned in the society will always be eager to lecture us on what are the right rules of conduct, that will be most appreciated in the community, the natural and most effective way to develop a good instinct of what is that wins the love of other folks is simply by trial and error. Definitely, human beings do not come with any sort of user manual on what is that they like and what is that they do not like; even less is there any good science on the subject. Now, as much as it is always more fun to receive positive feedback, undoubtedly, there is always more to learn from mistakes. In the past women usually had many children and it was necessary to compete against one's siblings for mom's love and attention. In contrast, today's modern parenting theories require mom to love her child to bits, no matter the little monster's mischiefs. Modern parenting theories sustain that when children feel loved, happy and safe, their brains are more open to absorbing new information, solving problems and developing critical thinking skills; however, there simply is no neuroscientific basis for such a claim. Rather, it is well established that - to the extent that the emotional charge of an episode is definitely the most reliable indication of its relevance - we will retain better memory of an experience the more emotionally intense it is. Now, as anyone can easely understand, this principle applies for negative experiences as much - if not even more - as for positive experiences. For only one thing, negative feedback generally carries more reliable information than positive feedback. Clearly, it is rather unlikely the little monster is going to learn to behave, if mom hugs it after each and every mischief; but, if what follows is a gentle pat on the butt, the message is self-explanatory; is it not? How can anybody try to pass such idiotic theories as expert opinions? I am sorry, I just cannot help it, it is really unbelievable the sort of nonsense preached nowadays by the most learned in the society. Yes, Robyn may have argued that, in order for Alia to flourish, she needed to be kept at all times wrapped in love, hugs and kisses; but - albeit most probably unconsciously - the actual reasons for Robyn's parenting style were far less lofty and selfless. Indeed, there was a reason why Alia wanted to have many children and, as much as Robyn hated her own mother's mentality, deep inside she could not help to feel the very same needs.

Since the days Alia was a baby and her biological father committed suicide, Robyn has been telling her daughter, they will be together forever. Robyn did not even hesitate to use drugs to tie her daughter to her, to the point that mother and her teenage daughter doing drugs together was absorbed as a "great bonding experience" for both of them. Since very early, Robyn taught Alia she would always be right, she could always do whatever she felt like and always get her way, as long as she stays Robyn's little child. Alia got so into drugs at the early age of 11 and, being a brilliant student, dropped out of school when she was 14. Robyn was cool with all that, because "more than mother and daughter, they were best friends" and her concern was not the wellbeing of her daughter, but the wellbeing of the relationship with her. Alia is missing as many as 8 teeth in her mouth. It is really heartbreaking to listen to her explaining so very embarrassed, they had to extract those teeth, even before they had started coming out, because there was no space for them. She is then so ashamed to admit she continued sucking her thumb until so late in her childhood, that her jaws eventually got deformed, to the point there was not enough space for all of her adult teeth. She is so very embarrassed about it, but, fact of the matter is, nobody ever told her it was about time she stops sucking her thumb. Robyn certainly had never any interest in risking a conflict with her daughter by correcting her in anything.     

Alia's writings show how Robyn deeply ingrained in Alia's mind the conviction Robyn had been an awesome mother and her parenting deserved quite a lot of credit for Alia being so intelligent. Robyn very cleverly sweetened the message to make it really seductive to Alia: Robyn had been an awesome mother and thanks to her great parenting Alia had grown to be so intelligent, and since Alia was so intelligent, she always knew what she was doing and, therefore, everybody had to respect her decisions; even if those were to start doing drugs at 11 or drop out of school at 14. It was, however, unfortunate Robyn was really never honest believing in her own dogma: she never quite respected Alia's decision to marry me...

It was really weird to observed Alia so passionately argue she was living proof of her mother's parenting theories' success, at the same time she showed to be deeply ashamed of her "childish and escapist use of drugs" and she was admitting to be "a very disturbed person" who "has spent years angry, depressed and suicidal". It is yet a bit more perturbing to hear Robyn brag about her parenting. Indeed, when Robyn indoctinated Alia to assume her way was always the right way and she only needed to make a trantum to get her way, Robyn cursed Alia to fail in any relationship she may ever try to establish with any other person, because nobody would ever be ready to put up with her teenage daughter's tantrums for a long enough time. As a matter of fact, throughout her emails, Alia repeatedly admitted she could not help getting mad at me whenever I expressed an opinion conflicting with hers. She was embarrassed about it and pledged to work on it (See Alia's emails Sep. 7 2010, Jan. 9 2011). She was so good that what her mother had never tried to teach her, she was able to figure out by herself.  .

Indeed, Alia was a beautiful soul and  deep inside she was able to realize, the life Robyn had designed for her (a life dragging her mother always around; whereever she went, whatever she did, her mother would always be with her) was not quite the best for her and certainly not what she wanted. Alia has always had the best memories of her childhood. She enjoyed explaining how she was not only a single child, but, for many years, the only grandchild in the family as well. She, therefore, not only had all the love of her mother, but was also the center of attention for the entire family. That was all so wonderful until she reached puberty. Then, as for any other teenager, your parents home and your parents love become way to small and way to little for all what you want in life. As a teenager you are ready to conquer the world and you need the whole world to love you. Alia wanted so badly to be popular, but, fact of the matter was, she was not; she was just one more among millions. Robyn always loved to brag about how cool it was that mother and daughter would get along so well together that they would go out, hang out and party together. However, Robyn has never wanted to understand that no guy would ever want to date a girl, if her mother is constantly sitting next to her. Yeah, it would certainly help the mother to perhaps pick up som naive toyboy, but it would definitely not help the daughter. Alia always complained she had no friends; nobody would ever call her; her childhood friends or her classmates would organize a party, but nobody would call her to invite her. Alia was perceived as an arrogant person (and her emails also transpire a bit of it). Her mother has always told her she is awesome and she is always right, so that it became impossible for Alia not to believe so. Alia wanted everybody to love her and really needed friends, but nobody would ever have any interest in getting close to her, as that space was already completely taken by her mother. When Robyn told her daughter they will always be together, Alia thought she would love to be her mother's center of attention, but she did not realize that what Robyn really wanted is to keep her daughter orbiting around her, for the rest of her life. Robyn, indeed, kept demanding she should also be her daughter's center of attention.

"Robyn is officially a bitch again.  Somehow we reconciled, but now we're back to a stand-off situation where both of us are extremely tense around each other.  It started earlier when she came downstairs after coming home from school.  She walked in while I was considering my packing for the next months, and I was not in an incredibly talkative mood.  This was, obviously, not what she wanted.  She most likely wanted me to ask her endless questions about her day, and listen silently whilst she blabbered on and on.  I did ask how her day was, but just didn't give uninterrupted attention, so I was apparently rude." 

"I've also been trying to organize some sort of birthday surprise for Robyn.  I'm leaving one week before her birthday, and knowing her, there is no excuse for not having some sort of celebration.  I know that bitch would get sour if I didn't do something for her.  There have been many hurdles that I've had to jump, but I think I know what will work." 

Alia certainly loved her mother and wanted Robyn to continue loving her. However, now, as a teenager, she also needed to find some love outside her home. With her mother's support, she started doing drugs as early as 11 years old, hoping that would make her look cool. However, that did not help her popularity and only made her feel like a fool. The drugs affected Alia's mind and mood and, deep inside, she was aware of it. Alia started hating herself and the world around her. As part of all that process, some feeling of resentment and rejection against her mother slowly started creeping up deep inside her. Alia started thinking what her mother wanted was not really what she wanted. Her mother kept pointing her towards a path of drugs and alcohol but that was definitely not what Alia thought was best for her. As much as she loved her mother, Alia slowly started perceiving Robyn more like an obstacle than of any help in pursuing her goals and dreams in life. That also caused a very big conflict in Alia's mind and heart: now she was starting to hate the very person who had always meant everything to her: her mother. 

As much as at a first glance she seemed an intelligent, healthy, strong and mature girl, deep inside she felt lost in anger and depression. Her life had just begun, but she already felt like a total failure; like her biological father, she started having suicidal thoughts. Alia, however, had quite a few, very important qualities by her side: she was intelligent and had an enormous strength of will. Alia was so good that, against Robyn's misguidance, she was able to figure out by herself what was good for her and was ready to put as much effort as needed to accomplish her goals and dreams.

When Alia met me, she saw the opportunity to escape from the labyrinth of drugs, depression and loneliness of her teenage years, and she fought for it fiercely. 

I had just finished my Ph.D. a few years ago and was at the end of my two years bicycle tour around the American Northwest, when I first met Alia. Having lost my student status and having become ineligible for Optional Practical Training, I thought I knew my days in the U.S. were reaching their end. However, before I would leave for good, I wanted to go see the natural beauties of the American West. When I first came to the country I promised myself I would go visit Yellowstone, but, after ten years of Ph.D. studies (without a driver's license, because of my visual impairment), I had not been able to find the time and means to do it. It was an enormous effort to complete my Ph.D., but having finally succeeded, I could at least feel comfortable thinking my professional career was on the right track. I could not say the same, however, about my personal life; I really did not have much to show for in that respect. I really needed a break. I had no social life and had not had any intimate relationship with any girl. In a way, I had hoped, bicycle touring for a couple of years would help boost my social life a little bit.

I had planned to stay the night of February 16th 2010 with Steve (aka Zippy) in Florence, MT. Zippy is one of those Californians, who had moved to Montana captivated by the wonders of the mountain land. He had accepted to host me through CouchSurfing.org; but it became dark before I could make it to Florence, and I was invited to stay at Alia's place. I did not know until several weeks later, but, apparently, I immediately caught Alia's attention; particularly, or so I think, after I cooked breakfast for them the next morning. Alia actually had to leave for school before I could completely finish and could offer her a bite; but, apparently, it totally blew her mind to see me cook that sexy Spanish omelette (Spanish Tortilla). She left, however, thinking she was never going to see me again; as I was that morning continueing my bicycle trip to Helena, where I was going to have my hearing some days later. Indeed, I would have never again seen Alia, if it were not because, in the last minute before leaving the house, I thought I would leave them some note with my contact information. It was certainly a wonderful surprise to see Alia contact me on Facebook a few days later, upon my arrival in Helena. 

After my hearing in Helena, I had four months to leave the country, so, I had to start thinking about getting ready for my final ride back to California. The first step was to go back to Glacier, where I had set my base the previous several months and where I had left my touring gear. On my way to Glacier, passing through Missoula, I thought I would ask if it would be possible to stay at Alia's one more night. Alia accepted, but she explain in return I would need to cook breakfast for them the next morning. I gladly took that as a compliment.

We really enjoyed our little party the next morning. We had such a good time cooking, chatting, joking... that I almost forgot, or so I wished, I had to leave. It was already 3pm when I realized I should not put it off any longer and needed to start backing, as I had told them I would only ask for their help for one day. It was about 4pm when I told them I was finally ready to leave. They all went outside with me to tell me goodbye. The whole situation seemed really absurd. It certainly did not make any sense to leave that late in the day, with just an hour left before dark (I later learned, apparently everybody shared that same feeling). I kept thinking I should just ask them, given how late it was, if they would mind if I stay just one more night. They all actually seemed sad to see me go. It really caught my attention Alia really seemed sad to see me go. I knew if I leave I was not going to see her again, but I did not want to overstay my welcome, so, I was finally not able to find enough courage to say something. I took off and with each pedaled, as I was slowly leaving town, I could not stop hating myself for not having the courage to ask if I could stay one more night. I could not believe I was not going to see Alia ever again. I was completely immersed in thoughts. My head was boiling. I kept thinking I should find some excuse to come back: maybe I should organize some little trip into the Bitterroot, south of Missoula... I was completely absorbed in thoughts. My head down. My eyes stuck on the ground. All of a sudden, my bike crashed!! There was a pick-up truck sitting on the shoulder lane and I had totally run into it. If it were not because my bike, fully loaded with pannier bags, had the heaviest butt, I would now be flying over the handlebar, and still almost... The truckers were totally confused what was up with me, that I had completely missed their truck. My bicycle's fork was totally destroyed and I was totally exultant: I had just got the excuse to go back to Alia!! I was so thrilled, I could barely refrain from rising my hands in excitement. The truckers definitely could not make any sense what was the deal with me. I immediately called the house to explain what had happened, hoping they would let me stay again with them. Luckily, I got green lights and the police brought me back to the house.

Alia was also very happy to see me back. We, both, spent the rest of the evening talking and we had the most wonderful time. That was our first evening alone together. Best of all, now I had an excellent excuse to stay there until I could fix my bicycle (and I was certainly not going to put much interest in that project). Little did we know, we were living the beginning of the most beautiful love story ever.

Over the next days, Alia and I spent endless hours talking and arguing about just anything we could think of. I need to admit, however, I think I played with some advantage: being a Spanish night owl, I was used to stay up late. Alia, however, being a Montana early bird, needed to go to bed to wake up early the next day to go to school. It was really infuriating for Alia that she would really need to go to bed and I would still stubbornly refuse to concede to any of her points. It did not matter how angry she would get, I would still not budge. I think that ended up making her feel more attracted to me: Alia knew she wanted a strong and intelligent man, and it seemed to her I was that kind of person.

Alia was a wonderful girl: she was intelligent, energetic, beautiful, attractive, hardworking and talented. She was basically perfect, so I started calling her Lisa Simpson. I could not believe a girl like her would have any interest in me, but it turned out she kept making signs inviting me to start courting her. However, I certainly had little experience in the art of flirting and was definitely not very good at it: I, so, tended to be rather overcautious. As days passed, Alia started getting anxious with my lack of feedback; wondering if I was just playing or it was that I simply struggled figuering it out. Alia was certainly not the kind of girl who would accept to be kept in indecision. If she needed an answer, she would go and get it. If I needed help figuring things out, she would put it blatantly; because she could not stand it anymore. That was her Facebook post that morning: "I can't stand it anymore!" All her contacts thought she was just elaborating on the Rolling Stones' song, but her message was definitely aimed at me. It was her very own way to say: "What is up with you? (...do you want me or not?)"

   

I had planned to use those few, last monts in the U.S. to slowly enjoy my ride back to California from Montana. But, Alia changed everything. Fact of the matter was, Alia was all what I have been looking for my whole life. I, obviously, could not let an opportunity like that pass by. At the very least I needed to try it out. I, therefore, decided I would use as much time as possible to allow us getting to know each other as best as possible, and, when the time would be up, we would know better what to do with our relationship. Alia knew as well I only had a few months left in the country and it certainly made her feel anxious to think our relationship had an expiration date. Very soon she started talking about marriage. That shocked me: it seemed to me we were rushing something as serious as marriage. I thought it would be best to play by ear and only take decisions when we had gathered, if not enough information, at least the maximum information that time allowed us.

During the next couple of months, Alia and I enjoyed our time together in friendly Missoula. Alia made sure to use that time to study me and analyze if I was indeed the right person for her. However, I was determined not to miss the opportunity I had been given, and I was going to make sure to give out the best of me; after all, that is how I have always been. I think there were also some special circumstances, which played in my favor: I was coming from a rather different culture and background than Alia; so, it was easier for me to impress her. For example, the Spanish and European music I used to played and the Spanish and Swiss dishes I used to cook, opened a new world to Alia, and it really blew her mind.

By the end of May, I only had a few weeks left, before my deadline to leave the country. At that time, I could not even think of trying to marry, as an excuse to obtain an extension. My departure was unavoidable, because Alia did not want me to stay in the country illegally either. I just needed to decide, whether I wanted to marry or not before leaving. Like Alia, somehow, I have always thought I really only wanted to marry once in my life. The idea of going through divorce and, more importantly, sending children back and forth, from Mom to Dad, and back to Mom, has always felt to me very messy and unpleasing for the parents and very painful for the children. 

Consequently, I had always thought I would need to have some good certainty that the relationship was going to succeed, before I would go ahead with marriage. However, under the circumstances back then, I had to realize, at least in our case, it was actually the other way around. It was not that I should only marry, if I was sure the relationship was going to succeed; rather, we had to marry, if we wanted to allow our relationship any chance of succeeding. If I had ever thought of marriage as a silverbullet, it was a mistake to save my silverbullet for the time I will be sure I will hit my target. Rather I needed to use my silverbullet the moment I realized I had the right target in front of me. Then, the question became whether Alia was the right person or not. The answer to that question was clear: Alia was definitely worth it. At that time, having been together for a couple of months, I had come to realize that Alia was indeed not perfect. There had already been a couple of cases where she had got mad at me for some really stupid reasons. Perhaps she was not as mature as I had wanted to think at a first glance. But I had to exercise some realism: who is perfect anyway? Certainly not me. Now, one thing was very clear to me: Alia was going to do everything in her hands to help our relationship to succeed. That was actually not a minor consideration; rather it was very relevant given Alia was a very bright and talented woman, with an enormous strength of will. For example, one day Alia even came up telling me that she was "allways full of shit". She was tipping me off not to take her seriously, whenever in a discussion she would try to camouflage her lack of solid knowledge on a certain matter, by forcefully and agressively arguing whatever point, just hoping to intimidate her opponent and have him give in. Although I would eventually realize that there was something more to it than what I initially thought, at that time it certainly seemed to me truly remarkable that she was so committed to our relationship's success, that she was ready to betray the main strategy that she was going to use to get her way against me. Taking everything together, the conclusion was straightforward: if our relationship was not going to succeed, I would not succeed in any other relationship anyway.

   

Alia had told me chocolate was her favorite cake. So, I asked my mother for some good chocolate cake recipe. I was considering some fancy options; but, in the end, I decided my best bet was my mother's good, old chocolate cake recipe: the one she used to make when we were little. However, I had the stupid idea that I would add my own special touch to it: I thought I would add a layer of vanilla icecream on top of the cake. But, with the cake just out of the oven, the vanilla icecream stubbornly insisted in melting and soaking in into the the cake, no matter how quickly I would throw the whole thing, the two of them, into the freezer. I had some talks with, both, the icecream and the cake; but they would simply not want to cooperate. Alia had already come back from work and I was still struggling with my chocolate cake. As hopeless as it was, I did not want Alia to know what was going on, so I sent her to the room "to work on some homework or something, while I finish with something". Surprisingly, Alia accepted without questions or complaints. I kept struggling with my stupid vanilla icecream chocolate cake for a couple of more hours; but, eventually, I had to accept it was simply not going to work, as I had desired. I just had to work with what I had.

Unfortunately, It had got really late, but I still needed to do my thing. I knew Alia was ready to go to bed; but I told her we still needed to go for a walk. That is, I wanted to take her for a romantic, late-night walk; yeah, that is what I meant. Again, surprisingly, Alia accepted without complaint or question. Alia will never admit it, but I am pretty sure she knew very well I was "cooking something", but definitely did not want to break the magic of the moment. So, she was playing along...

I took Alia to her favorite spot at the river. Once there, I opened my backpack and, as I pulled out my chocolate cake and presented it to her, I asked Alia to marry me. "Si!!!", was her answer. Alia was so happy she told me my failed vanilla-icecream-chocolate-cake experiment was the best chocolate cake ever.

Our wedding day was a very happy day. However, Alia's parents were very unhappy. The judge, somehow, seemed to had figure out all what was going on. "So, what?, you only just met recently, is that right?", she asked me. I confirmed we had only med 3-4 months earlier. "yeah, three months, that is exactly how long me and my husband had known each other when we marry. That was 30 years ago and we are still happily married." I took that as a sign of support against Alia's parents.

The judge then proceeded with the ceremony. She was quite a strong character: now she kept grumbling at me, I should not look at her, but at Alia. She was right; Alia looked ggorgeous. I will forever remember her face: her smile was bigger than her face. I felt blessed: a girl like Alia was so happy to marry me; she was so happy thinking she was going to share the rest of her life with me. Alia definitely loved me and I loved her.